Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize
