The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize