Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
