And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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