I think I am morally bankrupt
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
my shit smells like andre
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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