You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
