Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
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