Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
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