So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
