i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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