Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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