That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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