the day after is always just damage control
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
