he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
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