come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
