Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
