I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Randomize
