I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
