Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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