Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
