Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
