buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
