We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
