and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
