I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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