walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
