To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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