you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Randomize
