the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
