Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize