My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
