he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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