farters have to be the big spoon...
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Randomize
