Where is the hickey?
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
