I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
