I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
i was born a porn star she said
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
