dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
