I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
