Sponge bath it is.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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