im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
