i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Randomize
