Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
