its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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