I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
