I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
My vagina is officially offended.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
