he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
