i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
The uberlube is also flammable
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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