if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
