be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize