Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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