I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Randomize
