We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Randomize
