i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
