Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize