Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Randomize
