i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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