Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
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