Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
