you guys were way drunker than both of me
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize
