I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
