I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
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