Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
